an ode to my nose

it’s just

so flat

…

…

…

my nose is so flat

it could be worse, it’s not obscenely wide

but it’s not a button

it’s not cute and bell-shaped

my hair is so dark

my hips are so wide

my thighs are so

…

there are days I feel beautiful

there are many days i do not

when i look in a room and wonder at

my beautiful friends

gorgeous blue eyes

sheets of blonde that cascade

over slender shoulders

even on the days i feel beautiful

words like silken, straight, blue, blonde

are not ones i would use

i am coarse, thick, dark

and some days it feels like

my dark brown eyes are miraculous

how they can hold infinite secrets and still shine

and the matching set

of the curves in my smile

and the curves in my skin

make me “scorn to change my state with queens”

but there are other days

where the dark spots and the stretch marks

like streaks in a frying pan

cracked hands or baby hairs

only make me feel like

i ruin the photo

or i’ve curdled the milk

with the acrid taste in my mouth

there are some days

and there are other days

where i look in an album

and that nose is minerva’s

and the baby hairs anita’s

and i smile like nialani

and how could i ever dare say

that they are anything short of miraculous?

when you look in a mirror

how many oceans did people have to cross

how many fields were plowed

how many tears were shed

leading in a line

to exactly where you stand?

how many of your people failed

and raged

and died

so that one day

a twenty-three year old hapa

could look in a mirror

and love her nose?