an ode to my nose
it’s just
so flat
…
…
…
my nose is so flat
it could be worse, it’s not obscenely wide
but it’s not a button
it’s not cute and bell-shaped
my hair is so dark
my hips are so wide
my thighs are so
…
there are days I feel beautiful
there are many days i do not
when i look in a room and wonder at
my beautiful friends
gorgeous blue eyes
sheets of blonde that cascade
over slender shoulders
even on the days i feel beautiful
words like silken, straight, blue, blonde
are not ones i would use
i am coarse, thick, dark
and some days it feels like
my dark brown eyes are miraculous
how they can hold infinite secrets and still shine
and the matching set
of the curves in my smile
and the curves in my skin
make me “scorn to change my state with queens”
but there are other days
where the dark spots and the stretch marks
like streaks in a frying pan
cracked hands or baby hairs
only make me feel like
i ruin the photo
or i’ve curdled the milk
with the acrid taste in my mouth
there are some days
and there are other days
where i look in an album
and that nose is minerva’s
and the baby hairs anita’s
and i smile like nialani
and how could i ever dare say
that they are anything short of miraculous?
when you look in a mirror
how many oceans did people have to cross
how many fields were plowed
how many tears were shed
leading in a line
to exactly where you stand?
how many of your people failed
and raged
and died
so that one day
a twenty-three year old hapa
could look in a mirror
and love her nose?